


Little Deaths

by themayqueen



Category: Hanson
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, BDSM, Blood, Dark, Drugs, Dubious Consent, Explicit Language, F/M, Graphic Sex, Knives, Non Consensual, Sexual Content, Violence, Weapons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-12
Updated: 2010-07-12
Packaged: 2017-10-10 12:40:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/99824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themayqueen/pseuds/themayqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zac and Colleen are career criminals and once again he has abandoned her. When he comes back, he is surprised by the new career she has taken up... and how he feels about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

  
_Another knife in my hands, a stain that never comes off the sheets._   


Days and nights never had much meaning to Colleen, but having a steady job was beginning to change that. She slept all day with the heavy curtains drawn over windows that faced a truck stop, and woke up just as the sun was turning everything shades of golden yellow. The late summer heat made Colleen stand out when she walked to work with Zac's old trench coat covering her bustier and fishnets. Every couple days she would stop at a convenience store on the walk home, and pick up a little food and a newspaper. It had been four weeks since Zac left.

Sitting backstage at The Dollhouse, Colleen stared at herself in a dingy mirror. She wiped a layer of grime off the glass with a stray tissue, but her reflection still didn't look familiar. With a sigh, she picked up a powder puff and dusted on another layer of body glitter. Closing her makeup case, she stood and stared at herself, knowing it was only a few minutes before her set began. She had officially been promoted the day before, and this would be her first night as one of the club's "special girls." Leon, her boss, billed the new job as an honor, but Colleen knew she wasn't much more than a glorified hooker.

The music faded, and the stage lights turned blood red. After a brief pause, she could hear Jimi Hendrix over the speakers. That was her cue.

***

He smirked a little when he saw the neon sign. It would have read The Dollhouse if all the letters had been lit. He had never been a big fan of strip clubs, despite all the other debauchery he surrounded himself with. He might not have even found himself on that street if his stash hadn't been running low, but either way, here he was, staring at a faded poster of a woman with bleached blond hair and cotton candy pink tassels strategically concealing very little. Taking a long drag on his cigar, he pulled up his trench coat's collar and walked through the club's frosted door.

Scanning the dark room and running a hand through his long hair, Zac turned left and headed to the bar. Double shot of bourbon -- the same thing he always ordered. Mixed drinks were for women, gay men, and anyone who didn't want to look like a drunk. There was no point bothering with the pretense, he always figured. After downing the cheap liquor, he skimmed the club again and found a table against the wall but close enough to the stage to ensure a nice show. Sitting down, he crossed his arms and waited for the next girl to begin her act.

***

Even after a few weeks working there, Colleen still felt awkward as she slinked onto the stage, swinging her generous hips. If she focused on the music, only the music, she could feel the rhythm seep into her every pore and the more than suggestive dance moves began to feel somewhat more natural to her.

For her grand finale, she fell to the stage and writhed in mock ecstasy, swinging her feet up over her head and shaking her long, black hair over the edge of the stage. Rolling over onto all fours, she struck a pose as Foxy Lady segued into Black Magic Woman. She eyed the crowd, looking for any men with potential. If she wanted to keep this new job, Leon had told her, she better hook a few big spenders. A balding, middle-aged man in an expensive suit flashed a wad of money, and Colleen crawled to him. As she swung her legs over the man's shoulders, a flash of movement a few tables over caught her eye and she nearly lost her balance. A quick glance confirmed Colleen's fears -- Zac was back.

She turned back to her customer with renewed zeal. He was older than she had thought, and he wore a wedding band. But that didn't matter to Colleen. She felt compelled to put on a good show for the man who so often seemed to forget she was a woman. With a quick glance in his direction, she wrapped her legs tighter around the man's shoulders, arched her back and shimmied into his lap. Blood rushed to her head and Colleen's adrenaline surged as she heard the crowd cheering. He stuffed another wad of bills in her garter as she flipped herself back onto the stage and struck one last pose on the pole. Her song ended, and the DJ announced that "Phoenix" would be exiting the stage and going to the VIP room.

Zac didn't think he was the jealous type, but he was quickly reconsidering that assumption. He jumped up and hurried to the bar. Another double shot would make his head feel a little better, maybe clear up some of the rage and smoke. Realistically, he knew that he had no claim over Colleen. She was one of the few women he considered his equal. However, he certainly did not feel equal to her new career choice. He asked the bartender for directions to the VIP room and another double shot. Just to make sure he was ready, Zac told himself.

A short, greasy man with a name tag that read "Leon" stood in front of the door to the VIP room. Zac flashed a hundred dollar bill and the man nearly snapped his hand off to grab it. He was momentarily glad to be in such a low class, cheap club and gave the man an appreciative nod as he opened the door and ushered Zac into the room.

Walking into the VIP room was like walking into a time warp, an orgy, or both. It didn't look as though it had been redecorated since the 70's, and Zac almost laughed out loud at a passing thought about free love. In the right corner he saw Colleen, on a plush couch with another middle-aged business man. She held his face between her breasts as she swayed to faint music pulsing through invisible speakers. His face was almost completely obscured, and Zac couldn't locate the man's right hand, either.  
The greasy man stood just behind him, tip-toeing to look over his shoulder and see which girl had caught Zac's eye. He saw that Zac was focused on Colleen. "Sorry mister, looks like she's already taken. I'm sure I can find a couple more girls you'll like."

"No. That won't be necessary," Zac said, the assertiveness in his voice making the club's owner jump back nearly a foot. The short man nodded and wrung his greasy hands, but said nothing else as he watched Zac walk over to his newest employee.

Colleen could feel his presence behind her, but she willed herself not to turn around. The man she was entertaining had bought her a few drinks, and she could feel herself drifting into that blissful haze that she practically lived for. A few more sips and her limbs would begin to tingle, making it easier to disregard the hands touching her. Colleen wasn't sure how long the businessman had been still until she noticed that his face was frozen in a look quite akin to terror, his eyes fixed on a point just over her shoulders. She knew exactly what he saw and did not want to see it for herself.

From behind her, his voice seemed more commanding than she remembered, and his fingernails grazed her scalp as he buried a hand in her hair and tugged. "She'll be coming with me."

As Zac pulled Colleen to her feet, she could see Leon standing beside him now, stuttering. "But-but… You'll have to… She's…" He trailed off, but his lips were still moving.

Zac pulled a few crisp bills out of his pocket and threw them at Leon. "That'll cover it, right? She'll be leaving with me now."

Leon stopped counting the bills just long enough to look up Zac, eyes wide. "Her-her shift doesn't end until --"

Pushing past him toward the door, Zac cut him off mid-sentence. "She quits."

When they exited the VIP room and rejoined the crowd in the main club, Zac released his grip on Colleen's hair. For that, she was glad. Even in her short tenure at the club, she had seen too many of the other strippers abused, and although she hated to admit it, she felt better than them for never letting herself be degraded like that.

Zac didn't speak, or even seem to acknowledge Colleen's presence as he followed her backstage to retrieve her purse and coat. He simply followed her around, his presence intimidating enough to make words unnecessary. He opened the club's door, in an unusually gentlemanly gesture, then gave her a rough nudge onto the street. Keeping his hand planted firmly on the small of her back, he asked, "Are you still at that fleabag motel where I left you?"

Colleen nodded, even though she knew he wasn't looking. She waited for a response, then decided it wasn't coming. She finally turned her head and looked up at him, "Where the hell were you?"

"Around." He still didn't look at her.

"You've never been gone this long before."

"Got caught up."

"Doing what?" She asked, and pointed to the next left. Now he wrapped his arm around her waist, his nails barely grazing her skin.

"Buying, selling, hiding from the cops. The usual."

"And you just decided to come back?"

"Nope."

"Then why the fuck are you here?" Frustrated with his one word answers, Colleen snapped her head around to look at Zac. She was surprised when his eyes met hers directly and stunned by the intensity in them. She recognized that look of pure rage with none of the underlying delight that usually tempered it. She had only seen it once, when she was curious about what he did with those girls of his.


	2. Chapter 2

_Part vampire, part warrior. Carnivore and voyeur._

_Everyone else in the apartment was passed out or strung out, so no one noticed Colleen sitting outside the door that Zac hadn't locked. He had gone into the room with a backpack and one of his newest whores. She was loud and annoying, and Colleen had heard the suspicions that she would get them in unnecessary trouble if they kept her around for very long._

"I suppose this is the only way to keep your fucking mouth shut," she heard Zac mumble, then laugh at his own joke. With the door open just an inch, she could see the girl lying in the floor, naked. Zac had just stuffed an old shirt into her mouth, and it muffled her complaints enough that no one else in the apartment even seemed to notice or care.

Someone stumbled over Colleen and waved a joint in her face. She nodded and placed her fingertips on the thin paper, pulling the joint to her mouth for the biggest hit she could manage. It burned her lungs, but she didn't care. She held the smoke in until the whole world had gone misty around the edges, then exhaled slowly, trying not to cough. With her back now turned to the door, she listened to the rhythmic sound of Zac's whips and the new girl's cries of pain. His rhythm combined with the buzzing sensation coursing through Colleen's body and she slumped further to the floor, fighting to keep from passing out. When the sounds finally ceased, she rolled over and pretended that she had succumb to a drug addled slumber. Zac kicked her gently in the side, and she heard him ask their host for the week -- Johnny or Jack or Willie, she couldn't remember -- if he would take the trash out.

She snapped out of the memory when she felt Zac's nails digging into her back, so close to drawing blood, as he directed her across the street. To her relief, the motel was only a few yards away and Colleen tried to wiggle free of his grasp long enough to dig through her purse for the key.

"Why all the goddamn questions? I thought you would just be happy to see my smiling face," Zac laughed and gave Colleen a rough shove down the sidewalk to her rented room.

She grasped the key with both hands, trying to steady herself enough to turn the lock. Biting her tongue, she walked into the dingy room and sat down her purse. She threw the old trench coat on the floor, sat down on the edge of the bed, and began unlacing her boots. After freeing her feet from the thick leather, she looked up, and watched Zac take off his coat and lay it the dresser.

A few long steps and Zac stood in front of Colleen. He wrapped his hand around her arm, nails grazing the flesh, and pulled her off the bed. For a moment, he held her at eye level and stared at her, his eyes full of contempt. He held her so close to him that her chest brushed against his, and he glanced down at her cleavage, barely withholding a devilish grin at the sight. Allowing his eyes to travel all over her body, he took in all the changes in the girl who was his most of the time business partner. Her skin, paler than he remembered, was covered in a thin layer of sweat, glitter and other substances he'd rather not identify. Her beauty, which was easy to overlook when covered in the blood and filth of someone's death, was not at all helped by the filthy bills stuffed in her undergarments and garters. For that unwelcome sight, Zac snarled and tossed Colleen aside like an abandoned toy.

"Tired of the sight of me already?" Colleen dared make a joke, although she knew it wasn't wise to interrupt Zac's silence. Content in the knowledge that she had any number of weapons nearby, she pressed on. "Usually I can entertain to you for longer. Only a few minutes? I must be losing my touch."

Zac had moved to a seat at the room's unsteady table, trying calm his hands with the task of rolling a joint. "Losing your touch? Oh no, dear, I think you've perfected it. Looks like you've even got a few new moves."

Colleen sighed. She knew he was still upset, but she could handle Zac's sarcasm; in fact, mockingly spiteful statements were the preferred form of communication between the two. She would wait for him to speak again; he always dominated a conversation even though he rarely spoke. Feeling around in her lacy garments, she retrieved her earnings for the night. Crossing her legs, Colleen busied herself with attempting to flatten out the bills. The bills were largely uncooperative and filled the silence with their crinkling.

Growling under his breath, Zac pushed away the half-rolled joint. He stood up and strode toward Colleen's bed, no longer able to contain his anger at all. He lunged for her money, crushing the small wad of bills in his hands.

"Alright, so we're not exactly pillars of the community, but goddamn! Don't you have any self respect?" Zac leaned down to look Colleen in the eyes, a piece of blond hair escaping his ponytail and covering his left eye. He snarled and tucked the offending strand back into place.

"You've never objected to me using my body before -- how do you think I'm such a good saleswoman? Or is this the first time you've actually noticed that I'm a woman?" Colleen couldn't believe what she was hearing; it almost sounded as thought her partner had developed morals during his absence.

Zac stood up to his full height. "You think I'm a fucking idiot? Of course I know you're a woman. Sure as hell didn't need to sell yourself in a place like that to prove it. Although it's probably the closest you've come to acting like a woman since I've known you."  
"Are those pathetic little girls who fall all over you more womanly than me? You'd rather I act like them? Give up my dignity just to sleep with you? At least if I've lost my dignity now, I made a fucking profit doing it," Colleen stood on her knees and looked Zac in the face, then dove for those profits, still held tight in his hands.

"Fucking pathetic. You're worse than those whores," Zac spat, backing away from Colleen's clawing hands. Laughing as he watched Colleen nearly fall off the bed to reach him, he ripped up the money and scattered it like confetti over her head.

Fighting the urge to scream, Colleen leaped from the bed and charged toward Zac. Her fists flew through the air furiously as she closed the distance between them. Mustering all of her strength, Colleen raged on toward Zac, intent on shoving him through the table he stood in front of.

Seconds before her hands made impact with his shoulders, Zac grasped Colleen's wrists and held her at arm's length. He snarled, throwing her onto the bed and crawling on top of her. "You know, if you're going to act like one of those damn whores, maybe I should treat you like one."

"I'm not one of your fucking junkie girls!" Colleen tried to wriggle across the bed and away from Zac, but he pinned her arms to the bed.

"If you're selling your body and sleeping with men you don't even like for money, then those junkies are better than you. At least they're getting what they want -- me," Zac sneered, fighting off Colleen's kicks and pressing her arms further into the mattress.

Gritting her teeth, Colleen lowered her voice nearly to a growl, "Well if you hadn't left me here with no money, maybe I wouldn't have to fuck those guys."

His grip on her arms loosening every so slightly, Zac looked wide-eyed at Colleen and stuttered, "You-you really don't fucking remember why I left, do you?"

"You had a reason?" Colleen stared up at Zac, momentarily ceasing her struggle to escape.

"You fucking kissed me."

Wrestling out of Zac's grip, Colleen jumped off the bed and backed away from it, her mouth agape. Stumbling backward onto the other bed, she finally managed to squeak out, "No fucking way I did!"

Crawling toward the edge of the bed, Zac chuckled, "You most certainly did. You were full of whiskey and high on something, and you fucking kissed me. Acted like I was one of those goddamn slimy bastards you're always dragging to your bed. Scared the hell out of me."

"Clearly I was too fucked up to know who I was kissing," Colleen curled up into the ball, hugging her knees and racking her brain for any, even faint, memory of the night before Zac had left her. Nothing but the smell of her cheap whiskey and his expensive cologne.   
Now sitting opposite Colleen, Zac continued to laugh. "Oh, you knew good and well who you were slobbering all over. I won't even tell you all the ways you propositioned me. You know, you really are more like my little whores than you'd like to think."

"I'm nothing like those sluts! You can't say you respect them more than me, not with the things you do to them!" Colleen leaned across the space separating the two beds, her hand poised to strike Zac across the face.

Once again Zac caught Colleen's wrist in midair. He twisted her wrist violently, throwing her back onto the bed with him, covering her body with the weight of his so that she couldn't escape again.

"I respect the fact that they aren't ashamed of what they want. They wouldn't come to me if they didn't want to hurt. You don't know what you want. Or what you're worth, but you're damn good at decreasing that value," he said.

"Tell me, was that meant to be a compliment, or an insult?"

"Both." Zac's voice was barely above a whisper, his face only inches above Colleen's.

Colleen squirmed just a little, moving her leg ever so slightly to remind Zac that she could strike him in a very painful location if she needed to. "And you think I want you, huh?"

"Is there another reason you put up with my shit? If you don't want me, you played the part very well, throwing yourself at me like that," Zac scoffed, tangling his hands in Colleen's hair and being sure to pull just a little bit too hard.

"Staying with you is convenient. Not fun; convenient. And anyway, does it look like I'm playing that part now?" Colleen gritted her teeth, resisting the urge to spit in Zac's mocking face.

"Oh trust me, I've seen the real Colleen now. She's not really what I expected, but I think I can find a few new uses for her…" Zac's voice trailed off as he ran his hand down Colleen's face, applying a bit more pressure than was necessary just to remind her of his strength.

Colleen shuddered under Zac's hand, and she suspected it was a combination of fear and the newness of his touch. His smell, heavy with liquor and a cloying hint of smoke, made Colleen's mind swim, and reminded her of the last time they were so close. As Zac's heavy hands drifted further down her face and neck, Colleen was forced to accept that she had not been in control then and would not be in control this time. As much as she wanted to fight this, wanted not to enjoy the man whose body was covering hers, Colleen knew that his hands could easily wrap around her neck and he would think little of it. The rage he had shown her earlier had not left Zac's eyes.

As he continued this torturous exploration of Colleen's body, Zac's expression remained icy. His hand enveloped her neck, threatening to close tighter and tighter around it until the alcohol coursing through her veins wasn't the only thing making her vision blur. A visible shiver racked Colleen's figure and her terror-filled gasp hung in the air as Zac pressed his fingers further into her neck. The corners of his mouth twitched almost imperceptably, only a tiny warning for his next move. Softening his grip only slightly, Zac pressed his lips harshly against Colleen's. He did not give her time to relax before snaking his tongue through her lips. Despite her better judgment, Colleen allowed her lips to part further than Zac had forced them, a low moan barely audible as she attempted to match his tongue's movements with her own. She could rationalize it by reminding herself that she didn't want to know what he would do if she refused his kisses; truthfully, she wasn't sure that wanted to resist.

Zac pulled back and stared at her, his dark eyes still revealing no emotion. "Is that what you wanted? Huh?"

Gritting her teeth, Colleen shook her head. There was no easy, truthful answer.

"See, I just don't believe you. You proposition me, you sell your body... Sure makes it seem like this is what you want." Zac hissed, his face still only inches from Colleen's and that same lock of hair now tickling the side of her face when he spoke.

"So you're gonna get it."


	3. Chapter 3

_I need you to feel this. I need this to make me whole._

Trailing his hand down Colleen's face once more, Zac stood up and strode out of the room. For a moment Colleen sat stunned, the slamming door echoing through her body. She scurried to the window and carefully peered through the dingy blinds. Overhead lights at the truck stop across the street revealed Zac's figure standing over the trunk of some old Chevy he had more than likely stolen. It didn't look like the kind of car anyone would miss, anyway. Then she saw it – metal glimmering in the moonlight, a quick flash before _something_ disappeared into the deep pockets of Zac's coat.

And there it was. Her fears confirmed. Colleen backed away from the window, then stumbled to the room's small closet. She grabbed a handful of pills, a rainbow of colors, shapes and sizes that she couldn't identify, and tilted her head back. She would regret at least half of those pills in the morning, but for now they were necessary. Her hands trembled and a few blue and peach tablets trickled onto the floor. Colleen fell to her hands and knees to retrieve them, so intent on stoning herself that she did not even hear the door open, did not see Zac standing over her until his rough hands drug her to her feet.

"Pathetic. Exactly what I would expect from you," he growled, not enough needing half his strength to toss her onto the bed, her body falling limp as the pills she swallowed began mingling with the alcohol already coursing through her system.

One look in his dark eyes told her that the Zac she feared had returned with all his fury. Again he kissed her and it felt like an assault. His lips were surprisingly soft but his actions weren't. Colleen willed her body not to react when she felt his teeth graze her lips, first gently and then with more force, finally biting down and tugging until she couldn't hold in her whimper.

At the same time, his hands worked their way down Colleen's sides until he grasped her small hands in his and forced them above her head. With one hand wrapped around her thin wrists he held them in place, smirking as he pulled a pair of handcuffs from the deep recesses of his pockets and dangled the offended piece of metal in her face. He secured her hands with a dexterity that made Colleen's stomach turn, a terrible reminder of how practiced he was.

"Just in case you try to get away. But you aren't that stupid, are you?" Zac laughed, watching as Colleen resigned herself to the uncomfortable overhead position he had locked her hands in. As he ran his hands down her body, his fingernails scraping her skin, she was useless to do more than ball her hands into fists and frown. With one hand grasping her hip, he pulled her up and pressed her body against his. The other hand tugged and ripped at her bustier until it was only shreds of fabric.

Tossing the offending bits of lace and elastic over his shoulder, Zac smirked, "You didn't need that, did you?"

Colleen laughed. "I bought it with your money, anyway."

"Then I'm glad I ripped it up," Zac growled, tossing her onto the bed again. Standing up, he turned around to rummage through the pockets of his coat, then shrugged it off. Colleen didn't have the nerve to look at what he had retrieved, but she knew she would feel it all soon enough anyway. Unbuckling his belt, Zac crawled on top of Colleen at an unbearably slow pace and she briefly contemplated backing away from his approach.

A tight-lipped frown and a small shake of his head was all the acknowledgement she needed that Zac had seen through her escape plan. His right hand clamped tight over Colleen's mouth, just in case, his thumb pressing hard into her cheek until she could taste blood from her gums forced into the sharp edge of a tooth. In spite of herself, she moaned into his hand when she felt the other slide down to handle her breasts. With calloused fingers he pinched her nipple and tugged until he felt her warm breath against his palm. He ran the length of her thighs with his fingernails, shredding her fishnet tights.

"Jesus Zac, do you have to ruin everything I own?" Colleen yelped.

When Zac stood, his broad frame overshadowing her, Colleen regretted her words. She flinched as he picked up one of his favorite toys from the other bed. Leaning in so close his breath tickled her ear, Zac whispered, "Unless you're screaming, I don't want to hear another word out of you."

With that, he jerked her hips off the bed and slid off her ruffled undergarments. Colleen realized how easy it would have been to kick him, had her legs still felt like cooperating. Mentally, she kicked herself for downing so many pills. One or two less and she might still have the willpower and coordination to fight back. Standing back to observe the girl below him, Zac picked up his flogger and twirled it around aimlessly.

"You see, the problem is... I can't decide if I want you to enjoy this or not," Zac spoke, the leather tendrils of the whip dancing through the air. With a terrifying delicacy, he traced the whip down Colleen's chest, bringing it to rest dangerously close to the most sensitive part of her body which he had just exposed. As he did so, Colleen was surprised to notice a tell-tale bulge in his jeans.

"But I'm thinking 'or not.'"

In one quick, fluid movement, he pulled the whip back and brought its many tails back to rest on Colleen's inner thighs. She bit her lip winced against the force of it, like a thousand knives cutting her flesh at once. Her bottom lip bled from the effort not to scream. With an evil laugh, Zac drew the whip up her torso slowly, the strands caressing her nipples so that for just a moment she relaxed.

Sensing her relaxation, Zac brought the whip crashing down on her again. With a thunderous clap it fell across her torso, its myriad strands biting nearly every sensitive patch of skin she had. Colleen could not hold back a hoarse scream. Angry red marks formed across her chest and stomach already, matching those across her thighs. Propping himself up with his free arm, Zac crawled on top of Colleen, his whip drifting lower and lower.

Zac nudged Colleen's legs further apart with his own denim-clad leg. Her legs now parted, he brought the whip down further, its ends grazing her lips. Colleen trembled, out of fear or pleasure – she wasn't sure there was a difference anymore – and Zac's small nod confirmed her fears. With one small, deliberate flick of his wrist, the whip snapped and its strands collided with her clit. Too shocked to even scream, Colleen could only stare stupidly up at Zac, her mouth agape.

Before Colleen could recover from the whip's last stings, Zac had thrown the whip down and replaced it with his hand. With no preparation or warning, he pressed one finger inside of her. His finger was large and unmerciful and she ached from the assault, yet she could feel herself giving in to his touch, feel the wetness beginning to drip onto her thighs.

"Oh... fuck."

"Please, you were more believable shaking your ass on stage," Zac laughed, watching Colleen squirm as he pushed a second finger into her increasing wetness. Colleen squirmed and grasped at the sheets, cursing the handcuffs that chafed her wrists. As Zac pressed his thumb to her clit, drawing slow but forceful circles around it, Colleen thrashed against her restraints until she thought her wrists might bleed.

Fighting through the haze, Colleen managed to squeak out, "I thought I wasn't supposed to enjoy this?"

That damned piece of hair tickling her eyes, his lips barely brushing the corners of hers, Zac whispered, "Changed my mind."

Leaving her aching, Zac rose to kneel and fumbled with the buckle on his belt. Colleen thought his hands were trembling but she couldn't be certain; her body was pulsing and the room was spinning and it was just too much effort to determine what was real and what wasn't.

Pushing his jeans and boxer briefs down his hips, Zac donned an evil grin. Positioned perfectly between Colleen's legs, he dug his hands into her thighs and pulled her to him, forcing her to take his full length in one thrust. Without pausing to allow her to adjust, Zac continued thrusting in short, sharp bursts, each one eliciting a hoarse gasp from Colleen.

"Fuck..." Zac allowed himself, the word barely more than a whisper.

With each roll of Zac's hips, Colleen's breasts heaved and she felt herself growing closer and closer to screaming aloud. Her chest ached, her arms were exhausted, each lash of Zac's whip still burned in her skin and the throbbing of his cock with each brutal thrust might drive her insane. She couldn't remember the last time sex actually felt like anything at all, and she didn't want to because it certainly hadn't felt like this. Any remaining notion of reserve was thrown out as Colleen felt herself tensing around Zac.

Just as she began to tremble, Zac immediately withdrew. She wanted to scream. She wanted to beg. She wanted to say or do anything, but nothing aside from a whimper seemed possible.

Tangling his hand in her hair, Zac yanked Colleen up to his eye level.

"You look pathetic."

He ran his mouth down her neck, pausing briefly to plant one small bite just above her collarbone, before grasping her by the hips and flipping her over forcefully, onto her knees. He ran his hand up and down Colleen's back slowly, before twisting his hand in her hair again and shoving her face into the mattress.

One hand still buried in her hair and the other digging into her hips, Zac filled Colleen in a single thrust. With a groan, he pulled back slightly and gave a second, even harder thrust. Colleen felt herself tightening around his cock again as he continued this second assault.

"Oh, god!" Colleen could no longer contain her screams as Zac slipped a finger onto her clit, rubbing at a furious speed to match each move of his hips.

Digging his fingernails into her hip until he thought he might draw blood, Zac groaned. He realized this was the first time he had fucked someone who could easily murder him and not leave a trace. Someone as tough as him. Somehow, that turned him on even more and he pushed deeper into Colleen, smiling as she twitched and trembled under him.

"Mmm... shit," Zac groaned, bracing himself against Colleen's hips as he gave three last, decisive thrusts.

Colleen screamed aloud, hoarse and strangled, as she felt Zac's orgasm filling her. Her own came instantly, in a wave of warmth coursing through her veins and leaving her shuddering. Zac collapsed onto Colleen, his head nuzzled into her shoulderblade. Both lay mute for a moment, neither one sure what words – if any – could appropriately fill the silence.

When that moment had passed, Zac withdrew from Colleen and rolled over to lay beside her. One hand behind his head, he asked a question he already knew the answer to. "You aren't going to anything stupid like that again, are you?"

Colleen laughed, the sheets beneath her head muffling the sound. "What, let you fuck me? Doubt it."

"I'm talking about selling yourself like that," Zac growled.

Rolling over onto her back – which wasn't easy handcuffed – Colleen sighed. "I honestly don't know. Kinda leaves me reeling when you just leave like that. What am I supposed to do?"

"I'm not leaving again. I won't lose you to that mess."

"Aww Zac, you're gonna make me cry," Colleen said, half-mockingly.

Zac sneered. "I'm serious! You can kill a man fifty different ways, but you'd get yourself killed if I wasn't around to watch you."

With that, he stood and sauntered to the table where he had left his joint unfinished. A mindless task to busy his hands was just what he needed right then.

"Zac? I'm still handcuffed."

"Not my problem."

Colleen rolled her eyes. At least she could count on him still being a bastard, even when her world was upside down.


	4. Chapter 4

_And I'll catch you when you fall, but you're falling all the time._

The world still spun, and the room still smelled like pot and sex.

Colleen wasn't sure exactly what she had expected. The bed was warm next to her and the pillow bore the distinction impression of another person's head next to her own. If she closed her eyes she could imagine Zac's warm breath on the pillow next to her, lulling her to sleep with its steady rhythm. That was how it had happened, wasn't it? Her memory of the night before was mostly foggy but she could be sure of one thing. The most important thing.

She heard the shower trickle to a stop, then wet footfalls on the worn linoleum. Clad only in a towel, his damp hair not yet in its trademark ponytail, Zac emerged from the bathroom.

"Pack your shit. There's a whole world out there just waiting for us to rob it."

And that was it. The world had changed, but at least Colleen still recognized it.

She slung her belongings hastily into an oversized purse and followed Zac to his new car. New was a misnomer, of course; she thought there was some kind of old Chevy under the rust, but she couldn't be sure. The bag clinked and sloshed as she walked across the pavement, and Colleen paused to pull out a half-finished bottle of Southern Comfort. She slung the bag into the car's backseat with a resounding clunk and then collapsed into the passenger seat. In the spots where it hadn't cracked and peeled, the leather of the seats stung Colleen's legs but she hardly felt it. Noticing that Zac had left the key in the ignition, she leaned over the seat to turn it, then began tuning the radio. She found an oldies station and settled further into the car's lumpy seats, clutching the bottle of SoCo between her thighs. A thump told her Zac had closed the trunk; a few seconds later he slid into the driver's seat and backed out of the parking lot without a word.

They drove along in silence for quite some time. Colleen watched as city streets gave way to a few businesses and run-down buildings, until finally it was just the two of them and the road, dusty and infinite, trailing off into the distance. A voice on the radio begged his baby to come home. Finally, Zac spoke.

"Why do you stay?"

"I told you before. It's convenient," Colleen shrugged, propping her feet up on the dash and taking another swig of the sweet liquor.

Ashing his cigarette out the window, Zac asked more than stated, "It has nothing to do with me."

Shaking her head, Colleen replied, "No, it has everything to do with you. 'Cause we fit together, even when you're a bastard. I know how to deal with you, most of the time."

"The yin to your fucked-up yang."

"Sure." Even though she wasn't at all.

Zac took one last drag, then tossed the cigarette out the window. "But you'd leave if something better came along. Someone more profitable. Someone saner, maybe."

Colleen laughed. "Darling, the whole world is more sane than you."

Zac laughed, deep and throaty. He almost seemed happy, Colleen thought. She took a chance and slid across the hot leather until she was nuzzled against Zac's side.

Slipping his arm around her, Zac sighed. "There's just no getting rid of you, is there?"

"You'd have to kill me."

"I'd imagine we can arrange that. Suffocation, a bullet to the head or my knife to your throat, dear?"

Colleen couldn't remember the last time she had heard Zac so playful, and she couldn't be sure if she liked it or not. She decided to play along, even if it was a constant reminder of the strangeness in their relationship. "Whichever strikes your fancy, I suppose. So, what's the plan? Where are we going from here?"

His eyes still focused on the road, Zac replied, "I got a phone call while you were still passed out. Some guy Gordo hooked me up with a while back wanted to know if I could come over and take care of something for him. Probably something lame – slash somebody's tires or, fuck I don't know. Anyway, we're supposed to find him at this sketchy club in Amarillo."

"And what's my role in all this, huh?" Colleen asked, her foot tapping on the dashboard to the rhythm Green River.

"I don't know. I don't care. Token drunk chick? Whatever, I'll find something for you to do. Just hang out until we need you."

"Glad to know I'm so goddamn useful and important," she replied.

"Hey, I came back, didn't I? Take a fucking hint," Zac said, with only the smallest hint of real anger underneath his sharp words.

Colleen turned her head up to him. "You're not gonna ditch me here again, are you?"

Not meeting her eyes, Zac answered. "I won't. Trust me."

Trust him. Did he know how much he was asking from her? She pushed her head back against the seat and thought about the last time he had said those words.

 

_"Do you trust me?" Zac ran his finger along the edge of his prized switchblade, the one with the mother of pearl handle._

Colleen shrugged, not bothering to look up from the fine white line she was crafting. "Sure."

"You shouldn't."

His hand wrapped around her neck, cradling the back of her head.

"I could kill you. Right now," Zac leaned in so close Colleen could feel his breath on her neck.

Zac ran the blade along Colleen's chest, just above the low neckline of her shirt. The metal was cold but she held back a shiver.

"Without a second thought." Zac mumbled, sliding his knife down to the seam of her shirt.

Colleen willed herself to stop breathing just long enough to pass this test.

A smirk on his face, Zac drug the blade under her shirt, bringing it to rest at the lacy black edge of her bra. With the slightest pressure, his wrist flicking infinitesimally, the blade broke her skin. One tiny red droplet graced the tip of the knife as he pulled it back.

His lips brushing her cheek, Zac whispered, "Do you trust me now?"

"Give me a better option."

****

The drive, although it took nearly six hours, passed by mostly uneventfully. Zac smoked the rest of his pack of cigarettes and Colleen polished off her liquor, and the two sang along with ever song they knew the words to and a few that they didn't. They had stopped only once to pick up some greasy hamburgers at a roadside diner outside some small town that Colleen hadn't noticed the name of.

When they finally arrived at their new motel room, Colleen was relieved that, despite its appearance, the bathroom was clean and functional enough. A long, scalding hot shower was perfect. She stood under the needle-like spray for nearly an hour, until Zac pounded on the door impatiently and demanded that she hurry up so they could get on with their plans.

They had not been in the bar for more than ten minutes when Zac abandoned Colleen. It might have left her reeling, but she knew this was just business. He would be back. She was certain. The only thing that bothered her was that, apparently, the friend of Gordo's they were meeting up with was actually a woman. A tall, thin woman with long blond hair; the antithesis of Colleen.

She sat alone in a corner, sipping a tall glass of whiskey. It was a small little honky tonk bar with a terrible house band. But the singer, he was good, and he looked desperately out of place. His hips swayed just a little too much, his hair was long and golden blond, and he was entirely too aware of his sex appeal. In short, he reminded her of Zac. It wasn't long before she decided that she would have him, and she found her chance when the band took a long break between sets. She stood up, steadied herself on her feet – a task made easier by the weight of her boots – and took her steps toward him with confidence. When she had closed the space between them, she did not even bother with words. With one hand still clutching her whiskey, she grabbed a fistful of his thin shirt with the other and pulled the boy toward her. Rather than kiss him, she ran her tongue down the side of his neck, her teeth nipping at the soft spot just above his collarbone. That was all she needed. The boy grinned mischievously and nodded in the direction of the bathroom.

Colleen downed the rest of her drink in one gulp and threw the glass down as she followed this new boy into the small bar's only bathroom. He slammed the door behind them and grabbed a hold of her waist to guide her to the sink. His hands wasted no time creeping up her shirt as he pushed her against the cold ceramic sink. His cologne was heavy and cloying but his kisses were deliciously new, even if made a little sloppy by the beer she could still taste on his tongue.

Yet when she closed her eyes, all she could see was Zac. She watched this new boy's hair flop over his eyes as he struggled to shimmy out of his too-tight pants, and Colleen could only wish he were someone else. She shut her eyes tight and tried to stop thinking as he lifted her on the sink with more strength than she expected him to have and pushed up her skirt.

She closed her eyes to block out the sight of him, frustrated that this was so difficult. Sex should not have been so complicated, but Zac had made it that way. Colleen cursed him under her breath and tried to focus on the boy whose hands were on her. His hand, not as calloused as Zac's, slid inside her lacy underwear and into her wetness. She bit her lip and let only a small sigh escape.

The boy pulled away from Colleen and slid his cock out of his underwear. He leaned and pressed his lips to her neck, grasping his cock in one hand and rubbing it against her entrance teasingly. Colleen moaned over his shoulder as he entered her, her eyes fluttering open. What she saw through her lashes made her nerves tense. It was Zac, standing right behind them, his body rigid and his eyes like thunder.

She suddenly realized that Zac was not staring at her. Backing away, he spoke one word, hardly more than a whisper.

"Taylor."


	5. Chapter 5

_I will find a center in you. I will chew it up and leave._

The world spun and dipped. The air felt thick as syrup and it clung to Colleen. Her skin was sticky, her ears buzzed and she still felt the dull ache of desire between her legs. She saw the scene play out in front of her, but could not make sense of it. This boy, evidently named Taylor, pulled away from Colleen, sweat matting his golden hair to his head and his hands trembling as he tried to redress himself. Zac's glare was icy needles through Taylor and Colleen and she felt herself drop to the floor with a dull thud that reverberated through her boots to the tips of her teeth. She could see Zac's lips moving, but could not say for certain if he spoke to her, to Taylor or to himself. All sense of time had left Colleen's liquor-soaked mind and it felt as though they stood in the dingy bathroom for hours, playing out an argument in charades under the fluorescent lights. When Zac finally turned to leave, she could think of nothing to do but follow him.

Colleen wound her way through the bar's complex series of rooms, to the street where she finally felt herself breathing again. The buzzing ceased and the world spun only in the direction it was meant to. She watched Zac hail a cab and did likewise, digging dollar bills from her bra to pay the fare. She sunk into the worn seat and did not look up at the driver until she handed him the money and stepped out into the parking lot of their hotel.

The stairs to their room seemed to stretch on forever. Colleen tried to count them to steady her mind, but the numbers refused to form. Each step creaked a slightly different note and shuddered just a little more than the previous one. Two thirds of the way to the top, she had to pause. Planting her feet firmly and grasping the railing until her knuckles went white, Colleen drew in several slow, deep breaths. When she was certain that her dinner was going to stay in place, she took the last few steps to their room. A thin sliver of light escaped from the door; Zac had evidently not felt the need to lock or even completely close it.

She pushed the door fully open and stomped over to the bed where Zac sat. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"You're a goddamned whore."

Colleen shook her head and walked to her bed. Sitting down to remove her boots, she replied, "That doesn't answer my question. Let's try again. Why are you so interested in my sex life?"

"I'm interested in making sure you don't destroy yourself," Zac said, standing up. "It just so happens that you seem hellbent on fucking everyone you can, and I don't want to see it."

Colleen stood, more steadily now in her bare feet, and looked Zac in the eyes. "Oh for fuck's sake, you've only had to actually see this one time. And what was the big deal? It was just a one night stand."

"It sure as fuck better be. I don't want to ever see you with him again." Zac took a step closer to Colleen.

She stepped back, wanting to hold her ground but not finding the courage to, and asked, "Do you have any sane reason to be so goddamn adamant that I don't fuck him?"

"Well, if there's anything you haven't caught yet, you'll catch it from him," Zac sneered.

Colleen could not contain herself and laughed aloud. One eyebrow raised, she replied, "Like my health is your primary goddamn concern."

"You aren't any good to me if you're dead."

"Sometimes I think you'd like me better that way," Colleen replied, taking yet another step back until the back of her legs grazed the mattress.

Zac matched her step with two of his own, bringing him close enough to press their chests together. "Maybe. It'd be easier to have my way with you then."

"You sick fuck," Colleen spat out and slapped Zac hard across the face. Her palm stung and and she stared in shock at the red flesh of it, unable to believe what she had done and dreading the repercussions.

"I never said I wasn't," Zac ran his hand down Colleen's arm. "But you're the one who fucked my brother."

"Your brother? So that's what this is about. You're jealous," Colleen replied with a smirk.

Zac laughed. "Jealous? No, darling. Disgusted. Tired of your pathetic bullshit."

"So kill me," Colleen said, her voice steady.

"Don't fucking tempt me," Zac whispered, wrapping his hand around Colleen's throat. With his other hand, he took hold of her waist and pulled her closer to him, until she felt as though he might crush her.

His hand still held firm on her neck, Zac pushed Colleen onto the bed and murmured, "You wouldn't even try to stop me if I did."

"Is that so?" Colleen asked, turning her head away from Zac as he snaked his tongue down her throat and chest.

"Well it seems like being a whore and making me want to kill you are your new favorite hobbies. And both of those happen to work pretty well for me, too," Zac replied, slipped his hand up Colleen's shirt to grasp her breasts roughly.

Colleen grasped Zac's wrist firmly and shoved him away, drawing up her knees to push against his chest and allow herself room to slip out from under him. Taking a few long strides across the room, she spoke, "No. No, this is not what I fucking want. Not at all."

With barely a sound, Zac crept up behind Colleen. He pressed his weight against her back and held onto her hip with one hand. She could feel his growing hardness pressing against the small of her back. A terrifying click sounded in her ears and she felt the sting of cold metal against her neck.

"Don't fucking lie to me," Zac whispered, his lips warm and wet against the skin behind her ear. He ran the keen-edged knife along her skin, and felt her shiver against it. He drew a thin red line down her neck and into the dip between her breasts.

Colleen bit her lip and held her breath as Zac traced the knife down her chest. She squeezed her eyes shut hard to hold back the tears. Her head filled with static and noise and she could focus only on the wet hot pain screaming through her chest. She wanted to protest, but thought better of it. Staying completely still, that was the key. Her eyelids fluttered, but she did not move an inch when Zac yanked the blade down hard and sliced through her shirt.

"Are you scared yet?"

"No," Colleen lied. It wasn't completely a lie. She wasn't scared to die. Her biggest fear in that moment was living to see more of Zac's torture.

He pulled the knife away from her flesh and spun Colleen around to face him. "You should be."

With his hand around the back of her neck, Zac walked Colleen to the nearest wall. He pressed his blade to her neck again, barely an inch higher than his previous cut and with his thumb against the handle, applied just enough pressure to make Colleen tremble. He did not break the skin this time, but the threat remained. Left hand holding the knife steady, he let his right hand venture up Colleen's skirt. Zac let out a low growl when he reached his goal, sliding his hand past her underwear and slipping a finger between her folds. "You're pretty wet, Colleen. I'll just have to pretend it's all for me."

"You shouldn't fantasize so much," Colleen hissed.

"And like I said, you shouldn't lie to me," Zac said, matching her tone and bearing down on the switchblade to trace another line of blood across Colleen's neck. He smiled as a single tear ran down her cheek, and with two fingers he spread her lips open. He watched her sharp intake of breath, then pushed his two fingers inside of her.

Colleen gasped. She wanted to wiggle away from Zac, but feared that he would bring the blade down again. The cuts stung sharply and she could feel the warm blood seeping down her chest. She shut her eyes and tried to ignore both the pain and the pleasure. Each thrust of his fingers was like the point of a knife and she could no longer tell for certain what was happening outside her mind. She hardly noticed when Zac dropped the knife, unable to puzzle out the dull thump of the blade dropping to the floor.

She flinched as Zac's hand, now devoid of his weapon, scratched and clawed at her bra. He tugged until the fabric fell away and his hands touched hot flesh. Zac ran his fingers across her breasts and traced the lines of his cuts. Colleen whimpered as Zac's fingers trailed across her aching flesh, sending new tendrils of pain through her. All the while, his fingers remained inside her, thrusting upward and feeling her contract around him. Now free of the knife's threat, she writhed against his touch, hating herself for wanting more.

Her knees trembled and Zac grasped her waist firmly to keep her from falling. Inside she twisted and tumbled, fighting back against the jagged pain in her chest and the ripples of pleasure from Zac's fingers moving in and out of her wetness. He pressed his thumb against her clit and she felt herself falling, plummeting. The floor seemed to rise up to meet her, the carpet rough against her bare skin as Zac's hands guided her onto her back.

With one hand still playing against her wounds, Zac fumbled to loosen his belt and lower his pants. He grasped her hips, fingers digging into her flesh, and pulled her toward him. His cock pulsed and his vision blurred, and he plunged into her, filling Colleen completely. She screamed aloud and grasped at the carpet, desperately needing something to anchor herself.

His arms no longer willing to support him, Zac fell forward against Colleen. Their chests pressed together as Zac rolled his hips against hers. He ran his hands all over her body, leaving bloody fingerprints and tiny scratches on her legs and sides.

"Please..." Colleen whimpered. Her flesh throbbed and ached and each thrust brought a new twinge of pain to each incision. Her vision dulled and blurred, but she could see the blood staining Zac's chest as he pulled her closer and closer, pressing their bodies so tight she thought he might engulf her completely. She closed her eyes and watched patterns of red and gold swirl behind her eyelids as Zac raked his nails down her legs and pushed further inside her. The colors pulsed and undulated to his rhythm. Her limbs felt thick and heavy. She cried out and the sound seemed miles away.

With Zac's final thrust, she fell against the floor and wished to sink into it. She felt him kiss her forehead gently and tried to open her eyes, but could only see a blur of flesh color and red. Zac pulled away from her and Colleen felt her body calling out against the absence of his warmth. A moment later she felt him again, his warm arms wrapping around her, his body pressed against her side. She instinctively curled herself into his arms, collapsing into his strong grasp. She pressed her head into the curve of Zac's neck and let the world fade away into blackness.


	6. Chapter 6

_Take the rope to my heart and fall. You may just be the last before you see the black tangled heart fall._

Colleen woke to the dull ache of fresh cuts. Her limbs cried out in pain and she could feel in intricate detail the lines Zac's blade had traced across her chest. His grip on her had loosened only slightly throughout the night and he still lay by her side, arms wrapped somewhat more loosely around her waist. Colleen cringed a little at the sight of him, chest and arms covered in dark brown-red splotches and smears of her blood.

Slowly, carefully, she inched her way out of Zac's grasp and stood, her legs trembling underneath her weight. Once she was certain that Zac was still asleep, she tiptoed to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. Her reflection was every bit as painful to see as she had expected. Long, angry red marks crossed her chest and throat, dried blood caked around them. Blood was streaked all over her exposed chest and torso. She could see the bloody mark of Zac's hands on her hips. One light brown print graced her face and she shuddered at the memory of Zac's fingers palm pressed against her cheek. Colleen felt tears welling up in the corners of her tired eyes and she braced herself against the sink. Her knuckles turned white as she struggled to keep herself steady as the tears began to fall. It took all of her strength to hold in the loud sobs threatening to break free. When the tears stopped flowing, Colleen picked up a washcloth from beside the sink and began to clean her wounds. She didn't have anything but soap and water, but she worked diligently to remove every trace of blood from her skin.

Content that the traces of Zac had been erased from her skin best as possible, Colleen stepped back the bed and dug through the pile of clothes on top of it. After a few minutes, she decided on a pair of jeans and a red tank top. The rest of the clothes were hastily stuffed back into her bag. What few other belongings she had – some makeup and toiletries, a nearly empty bottle of pills, three or four pairs of shoes – were shoved in on top of the clothes.

She pulled the complementary Bible out of the hotel dresser and tore out a page at random. With a pen dug from her purse, she scribbled on the top of the page and laid it back on the dresser along with her hotel key.

With one last look at Zac's sleeping form, she turned and walked out of the room. The late morning sunlight beat down on her and she squinted under the force if it. She stood with her back against the hotel room's door and took several deep breaths. After a minute that seemed to stretch on forever, Colleen opened her eyes and took the first step. Each step felt like it took her a mile away and used up all of he energy, but she had to keep moving. If she stopped again, she was certain she would not be able to leave.

She didn't know how far or how long she walked. Her feet were tired and cried out for rest but her determination to get away outweighed everything else. When her feet could carry her no further, she stopped and collapsed onto a bench outside a little supermarket. As she rested, Colleen realized that she hadn't eaten for nearly twenty-four hours. She fumbled in her pockets for some cash and came up empty. Maybe Zac had been right, Colleen thought. Maybe she couldn't take care of herself without him.

_No. I'm gonna prove him wrong._ Colleen told herself.

Mustering all of her energy, she stood up and walked into the store. She stalked up and down the isles for a few minutes, picking up and then setting back a few items, trying her best to look casual. Then she saw her opportunity: a lone shopping cart, a handbag slung into the child seat, rolling away from its owner. When she was certain that woman was too engrossed in the frozen pizzas to notice, Colleen slid her hand into the purse and felt for the woman's wallet. She opened it and grabbed a handful of bills which she quickly shoved into her pocket. She shuffled away nonchalantly, counting the tens and twenties in her hand. It would be enough for a few days' food and some roach motel if she needed it. Then she would have to find some work. Usually Zac took care of the planning, but that just wasn't an option anymore. Colleen would have to do it for herself.

After purchasing a few canned foods and a sandwich from the deli, Colleen walked out into the sunlight. She pulled out her cell phone and scrolled through the address book. Finally, she settled on the number of her old friend Davey. She dialed his number and tapped her foot impatiently as it rang.

"Hello?"

Colleen sighed with relief at the sound of Davey's voice. "Hey, Davey. It's Colleen?"

"What's up?"

"Look I don't wanna get into the whole story, but I need a place to crash. And if you can help me get some cash, that'd be great too," Colleen said.

"No problem. You know where I'm at. I didn't know you were back in Amarillo..."

It was only a short walk from the supermarket to Davey's house. The house looked exactly as she remembered, although she hadn't seen it for two years. Not since the night she met Zac in the backyard. The door was unlocked, which didn't surprise Colleen at all; she knew all too well how trusting Davey was. She swung the door open and called out a loud hello to announce her presence, then made her way to the kitchen. As usual, the fridge was packed full of beer, liquor and not much else. She pulled out a bottle of cheap vodka and figured that would be good enough to wash down her sandwich with.

"Glad to see you making yourself at home again," Davey said, chuckling softly. He leaned against the door frame, gazing at Colleen in amusement.

"Yeah, well. You know me. I'm gonna be here a while, so get used to it," Colleen mumbled around a bite of ham and cheese.

Davey crossed his arms and replied, "What happened this time? You look like hell."

"You don't wanna know."

"It was Zac, wasn't it? What did he do?" Davey asked, taking a few steps toward Colleen. Instinctively, she backed away from him, her knuckles turning white as she gripped the vodka bottle tighter in her hand.

"I said, you don't want to know. So I suggest you shut up about it," Colleen replied, bracing herself against the kitchen counter.

"Look, you knew what he was," Davey said, his voice low. "I told you a million times how fucking dangerous he was, but I never thought he would do anything to a friend. I should never have let you leave here with him."

"Just shut up. Just shut the fuck up. It's over, alright? I learned my lesson." Colleen slammed the vodka bottle down on the counter, punctuating her statement with a bit more force than necessary.

"I'm sorry," Davey replied, running his hand own her arm gently. "What do you need from me now? If you're gonna stay here, I'll help you get yourself together."

Colleen tensed against his touch. "Thanks. I just need to make enough cash to get the hell of out this town. Get as far from him as I can."

Davey nodded. "I can help you there. You know I'm good for that. I'm supposed to pick up some fresh weed from this guy Tony tonight. Make the pickup for me and I'll let you sell that batch. Sound good?"

"He won't mind if you aren't there in person?" Colleen asked.

"Shouldn't. He knows I've got a few people working for me. It'll be fine. Let me find the address for you," Davey replied, fumbling around in his pockets. Finally, he drew out a folded slip of paper and handed it to her.

Colleen picked up the vodka bottle and took a long drink. Dealing drugs was not exactly what she had planned on doing, but it would work. She could do it, and prove for once that she could get by without Zac. She wouldn't fall that low again.

****

When Zac woke up, his head was pounding. His muscles ached and he had to lay on the floor for a moment before he was certain that he could stand. The floor next to him was cold and empty and he couldn't remember exactly why he was on the floor anyway. With effort, he pushed himself up off the carpet. He looked around the room; it seemed hollow and empty. His hands were stiff and he looked down at them. Blood. Dark stains trailing down his arms. Through the haze of his hangover, Zac remembered.

He stumbled around the room, trying to get rid of the mental images. Then he saw it. He crossed to the dresser and picked up the thin piece of paper.

_ I can't do this anymore. Don't look for me.  
-Colleen _

Zac's stomach turned. The mental images would not go. _Colleen beneath him, bleeding and scared._ He supposed this was what guilt felt like, but he couldn't remember. He had to fix this. He racked his brain, trying to figure out where she could have gone, trying to think like Colleen. She had every reason to leave him; he knew that. But he had to get her back.

****

It took four hours. Zac had called everyone he knew in Amarillo, gone knocking on countless doors, and still had no found her. Finally, he came to Davey's door. Even knowing the door was unlocked, he threw himself at it with his entire weight.

"Davey! Where the fuck is Colleen?" Zac's voice boomed, echoing throughout the house.

Davey walked out of the living room and blinked. "Why should I tell you? She was running from you, man."

Zac stepped forward until he stood only inches from Davey. He leered down at him. "Tell me where she is. I know she was here. I need her back."

"Because you didn't finish killing her?"

"Because I... I just need her. I fucked up, I know that," Zac spoke softly, then grasped Davey's collar and continued, his voice nearly a hiss. "Now, if you value all your body parts, you'll tell me where she is."

Davey coughed. "Jesus, fine. I sent her over to Tony's place to pick up some shit for me. She should be back soon."

"Tony. Tony who?" Zac replied, loosening his grip slightly.

"Uh... Russo? I think."

Zac shoved Davey back against the wall. "Fuck. Fuck, Davey. You really, really fucked this one up. Jesse is staying with him now."

"Jesse?" Davey frowned. "That guy she was seeing before you?"

Zac nodded, unconsciously touching the knife in his pocket. "Yeah. And if you think I'll fuck her over, you have no idea what this guy can do. I rescued her from him. And now I'm just as bad as he is. I have to fix this and you better pray it's not too late, or I will tear you apart, one limb at a time."

He turned on his heel and walked out into the early evening light. He would find her. He had almost destroyed her, but now he would save her.


	7. Chapter 7

_I have found some kind of temporary sanity in this._

To say it had gone wrong was an understatement. Wrong was not having enough cash or getting a dime when you paid for a twenty. This had been the kind of situation the word clusterfuck was invented for. She was just supposed to pick up a couple ounces for Davey. That was all.

 

_The door swung open and a tall, thin man leaned against the door frame, a terrifying smile on his face. _

"Fancy meeting you here."

"Jesse... what are you --"

"I've missed you, Colleen," he replied, his eyes flashing fire and making Colleen tremble. He grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her into the house and Colleen was too frightened to resist.

 

Colleen raked her hand across her mouth and it came back bloody. Tears streamed down her face and stung fresh cuts. She pulled out her cell phone and looked up the only number she could think of. She typed a few letters that she hoped spelled "HELP" and pressed send, hoping Zac would get the message.

Another pain pierced her side, and Colleen dropped to her knees. Her knees burned and she felt the familiar tingle of fresh blood. The world was turning red and purple. The sidewalk felt cool against Colleen's cheek and she lay down to rest. As everything was fading, she had one last thought.

_Zac._

****

Fluorescent light was the first thing she registered. Then the carpet, rough and unforgiving. It dug into her burning knees and she grasped handfuls of it, willing her limbs to cooperate and let her stand. Her knees buckled and she felt strong arms grasping her sides, pulling her back.

"Jesus, Colleen. What did he do to you?"

He sounded miles away. Colleen looked up into his eyes, softer than she had ever seen them before. She wanted to answer, but her mouth was dry and she could force no sound out of it. Instinctively, she shrank away from his touch and a small whimper escaped her lips. Her vision blurred and faded out again, but she could still hear Zac's voice.

"I'm not losing you, damn it. I need you here. I'm not leaving again, and neither can you..."

She lay between his body and the carpet for how long she didn't know. It could have been minutes, hours or days. When she woke again, she was surrounded by the warmth of bedsheets and soft, oversized clothing. Zac sat on the bed beside her, his fingers running gently through her hair. The stench of blood and sweat was gone and in its place she smelled Zac's cologne and her own vanilla shampoo. She struggled to sit up, feeling the uncomfortable tug of bandages on her hands and arms.

Colleen frowned. "I said don't look for me. Why can't you ever listen?"

"I was expecting "thank you," but I guess that'll do," Zac replied, smirking.

"You're the reason I was there! You're the reason this happened. I had to get away from you," Colleen replied, swatting his hand away from her hair.

Zac bit his lip and stared at Colleen for a moment. "You're right. I ran you off, I'll take the blame for that. But don't blame me for your own weakness. You can't take care of yourself. Jesse was in your life before I ever was, and you can't blame me for his existence."

"I could take care of myself just fine, if guys like you and Jesse would just leave me alone," Colleen spat.

"Don't lump me in with that asshole," Zac growled. "I'm nothing like him. And the hell you could! You were damn near dead when I found you."

Colleen shuddered at the memory of it. If she closed her eyes, she could still see Jesse leering at her, pulling her to him, his hands close to crushing her. "I used to think you weren't like him, but now I don't know. You've both tried to kill me, and that's one damn big similarity."

"I wouldn't have gone through with it. If I wanted you dead, you would be. The fact I've made sure you lived through the night – isn't that proof of anything?" Zac spoke, his voice almost pleading.

She shook her head. "I don't know. I don't know what it's proof of. That you're completely fucking nuts, probably."

"Maybe I am," Zac replied, the corner of his lip curling into a tiny smile. "Look, Jesse tried to kill you because he's nuts and can't accept that you don't want him. And I..."

"You tried to kill me because I slept with your brother and attempted murder gets you off." Colleen said.

"Well, that's one interpretation." Zac laughed, reaching out to caress Colleen's cheek. She flinched slightly as his fingers grazed a bruise. "I'm sorry. For everything. When I thought you were gone... and then when I thought you were dead... I won't lose you. Not to him, not to some stupid drug deal gone wrong, not to anything or anyone."

Colleen felt herself relaxing into his touch. "Do you mean it? Are you really sorry for everything you've put me through?"

"Every fucking thing. I promise," Zac replied.

"I can't trust your promises."

"Then trust this," Zac whispered, cupping Colleen's face in his hands and pressing his lips to hers. His lips were soft and gentle and the kiss felt like a question. Colleen felt herself melting into his kiss, her resolve shattered. Zac ran his tongue across her bottom lip and she moaned into his mouth. Slowly he pulled away, his palms still pressed against her cheeks.

"And that's supposed to fix everything, is it?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. Just... shut the fuck up." Zac replied, pressing his lips to Colleen's once again, this time with more force. He ran his hands down her arms, pulling her to him and pressing their chests together. Colleen sighed as he slipped his tongue between her lips. He slid his hand under her sweatshirt, slowly working his way up her side to cup her breast in his hand. His other hand pressed against her thigh, pushing her legs apart.

"Zac..." Colleen managed to gasp out, pulling away from his kiss.

He frowned, his left hand still snaking up her thigh toward her panties. He did not speak, but the look on his face was as good as asking the question. Colleen's answer came in the form of pulling him back to her and bringing their bodies tumbling down onto the bed. She ran her hands up Zac's sides, her fingernails grazing his skin as she tugged his shirt up and off his body.

Zac ran his hand along her upper thigh, inching his way toward her panties. He pressed two fingers against the soft cotton, teasing her. Colleen moaned and thrust her hips toward his hand, watching Zac smirk in response. His eyes sparkled, looking devious as ever, but maybe not quite so scary as Colleen remembered. She tangled her hand in his hair, pulling his face toward hers and planting tiny kisses along his jawline.

When she could take no more of his gentle torture, Colleen slid her hands down to Zac's belt buckle and fumbled to undo it. He took the hint and sat up, sliding his jeans and boxers down to his knees, then kicking them off into the floor. As he did so, Colleen pulled the sweatshirt over her head. His pants finally removed, Zac collapsed onto Colleen again, their bare skin pressed together. She moaned as she felt his cock against her inner thigh. In response, Zac rolled his hips against hers, eliciting another moan from her. Colleen pressed her lips against his neck, sucking on the flesh just above his collarbone.

"Mmm... do you really want it this time?" Zac whispered, his breath ticking Colleen's cheek. His voice was almost teasing, but she could also hear a hint of true concern.

Colleen nodded, still planting kisses on his neck and throat. Zac grasped her hips, mindful of the bruises he had left there, and pulled her closer to him. His cock pressed against her entrance, barely touching the wetness there. Colleen tugged on his hair, her fingernails scraping against his scalp. Zac took this as encouragement, and pressed his hips against hers, his cock slipping swiftly into her.

Colleen sighed and wrapped her legs around his, holding tightly onto Zac's thighs as he worked up his rhythm. She willed herself to keep her eyes open, wanting to watch the scene unfolding in front of them. Zac's thick eyelashes fluttered and his tongue darted out to wet his lips. Unable to resist, Colleen pressed her lips to his, her tongue flicking out to touch his. He slid one hand up to cradle her head as he continued thrusting deeper into her. As their kiss deepened, he picked up speed.

"Oh god, Zac..." Colleen whispered breathlessly against his mouth.

Zac did not reply, only growled softly into her mouth and thrust harder. He filled her completely with his length and she could feel her orgasm building deep inside. His hot skin pressed uncomfortably against her cuts and bruises, but she tried to ignore that pain, focusing only on the feeling on him moving inside her. She squeezed her thighs tighter around his, pulling him even closer. Zac groaned and slid his hands down to her hips, digging his fingernails into her flesh and thrusting deep into her.

Colleen moaned, the sound soft and low in her throat. Her back arched and she cried out as she felt the soft burning sensation begin to creep all over her body. "Fuck... Oh, Zac."

His hands still on her hips, Zac used her to pull them closer and closer together, his thrusts now long and slow. He trembled and moaned against Colleen's cheek as his own orgasm racked his body. With a small sigh, he collapsed on top of her, their bodies still entwined.

A few moments passed in silence, neither of them willing to move. Colleen feared that even the tiniest movement would shatter the delicate balance of the moment. Slowly, Zac pulled out of Colleen and rolled over next to her. He ran his fingers through her hair and gave her a faint smile.

"This doesn't change the fact that you tried to kill me. And you--"

Zac slid his left hand across her mouth. "I know, I know. Don't you think I'd like to forget it? Do you know the last time I felt remorse?"

She pushed his hand away and spoke. "No, I don't."

"Me either. Apparently this is what it feels like," Zac replied, running his hand gently up and down her arm.

"But you still did it, Zac. All the remorse in the world won't change that."

"I know that. I'm not expecting forgiveness or understanding or anything. I just want to know that you'll stay," he said, pulling Colleen closer to him, holding her gently against his chest.

Colleen sighed against Zac's skin. "We always come back for each other, don't we?"

"And don't you forget it," Zac said, smiling. He nudged Colleen's face upward and pressed his lips delicately against her cheek, careful not to touch one of her bruises or cuts.

"Zac?" Colleen asked, looking up at him.

"Yeah?"

"What did you do to Jesse?"

He chuckled. "I'll put it this way. If anyone missed him, and no one will, they'd have trouble finding all the pieces."

"This isn't exactly 'happily ever after,' is it?" Collen asked, nuzzling against Zac's neck.

Zac chuckled lightly. "No, but people like us don't deserve anything that good. This'll have to do for us."


End file.
